The Christine Blasey-Ford Saga

Democrats are bringing the Christine Blasey-Ford / Brett Kavanaugh controversy back into the spotlight, this time demanding an impeachment of Justice Kavanaugh. There’s no concrete reason why just yet, but we can only assume it’s because either Justice Ginsburg is near retirement or to make headlines for Presidential candidates who all seem to be running on slightly different campaigns of “America is evil / White people are racist / Everything should be free.”

Regardless of the reason, Americans just don’t trust her. Mainly because the story was too perfect at the beginning and then it just fell apart with repeated lies and back tracking both on her part and on the part of her Democrat handlers. We at the funnyconservative.com decided to write out the biggest lies in this saga and share with you, along with some dank memes, so that you see why we think she needs to be investigated and sent to prison, along with every person who helped frame Kavanaugh or cover up the mess created by Blasey-Ford.

The Very First Lie: Aerophobia

At the very beginning of the whole mess Democrats were looking for a way to stall the confirmation hearings. Enter a mystery victim with what was reported to be rock solid claims of sexual misconduct by Judge Kavanaugh.

The nation waited with bated breath. “Who was this woman? Let’s hear from her! If Kavanaugh is a rapist he needs to be the defendant, not the judge!”

“Well, you’ll need to wait a while,” the Democrats said. “You see, the witness / accuser is scared of flying so she’ll need to drive all the way from California.”

This lie fell apart when it came to light that she had not only lived in Hawaii, where it’s impossible to drive to – and before the peanut gallery starts with the “Well, she could’ve taken a BOAT!” – we also found out that she lived in Tahiti and other areas of the Pacific normally not accessible by boat, and that she regularly flew from California to the East Coast to visit family. Finally, a few days later a letter from an ex-boyfriend surfaces in which he reports that he and Christine Blasey (not yet a Dr. and not yet married to Mr. Ford) would travel around the Hawaiian islands in a propeller plane. Nothing against propeller plane enthusiasts and pilots, but, if you’re afraid of flying, a propeller plane is NOT something you’re going to ever be doing.

We just wish we could’ve been there when Diane Feinstein and the other clowns had to call her and say, “Christine… knock it off, the jig is up. They know you fly all the time. Be here first thing in the morning.”

The Mystery of the Second Front Door

Blasey-Ford claims that because of the alleged sexual assault, she wanted a second front door to her house to allow her to escape in the event of a break-in and rape attempt. She claims that her insistence on the front door led to her and her husband to seek marriage counseling, and during this counseling was the first time she disclosed the assault to the counselor.

It all sounds neat and tidy and all her supporters blindly cheered for her while simultaneously weeping for her. I can hear them yelling at her husband, “Let her have a fifth front door if that’s what she needs, you ass!” Sadly, it wasn’t so cut and dried.

The reality is that they got a building permit for that additional front door in 2008. There’s also pictures of the house in 2011 with the additional entryway already in place. And another piece to solve this odd mystery is that they rented out a place to “Google Interns,” and that at one point this space had a “Couples Research Center” operating out of it.

We’re far from detectives here at thefunnyconservative.com, but we think it’s far more likely that these renovations to the house were done so that Dr. Blasey-Ford and her husband could rent out a space in their home, not for an escape route from home invaders. And, speaking of home invaders, we just have to ask: If a group of would-be rapists were assaulting your home from the front, wouldn’t an escape route be better utilized from the back or side of the house? Asking for a friend.

The Polygraph Ace

Blasey-Ford did submit to and pass a polygraph test in which she stated that Brett Kavanaugh sexually assaulted her in 1982 (or was it 1983? Maybe it was 1981?). To the zealots who didn’t want Justice Kavanaugh to even have a chance to defend himself this was enough to not only torpedo his hearing, but to disbar him, end his career and ruin his life.

However, there are several items still in contention over this polygraph test: First, it was administered by people who were friendly to her. Second, only two questions were administered when the Federal Psychophysiological Detection of Deception Handbook specifically calls for five, and finally, they let her make a written statement and used that as a question as well. Could this be a passed polygraph? Well, yea… if you’re either a complete moron or stacking the deck to ensure you get the outcome you wanted.

Another issue to keep in mind regarding the polygraph is that Dr. Blasey-Ford helped coach one of her friends so that she can presumably lie or obfuscate and get away with it for a job. To many, the fact that she helped someone get comfortable on a polygraph is yet another example that Dr. Blasey-Ford is okay with lying, as long as it’s to further her agenda.

The bottom line is this: Can her supporters really hold her “passing” of a polygraph test as evidence that she should be believed when the people administering the test were friendly to her, that they broke protocol several times while administering it, and that she has a history of coaching someone to pass their own polygraph test? The answer is a simple “No.”

The Lie About the Polygraph Coaching

In the letter from her ex-boyfriend he specifically states that he saw Christine Blasey coach and help her friend in preparation for a polygraph.

During her hearing she was asked if she had ever helped someone prepare for a polygraph and she said no.

This is blatant perjury and worthy of an investigation.

This, coupled with the letter from her ex-boyfriend alone are enough to prosecute for perjury.

Psychologist? Well… Not In The Way She’d Have You Believe

This is more of an inconsistency than a lie. Perhaps as a resume embellishment on Dr. Blasey-Ford’s part that she got caught on. Let’s call it a “little white lie.”

Dr. Blasey-Ford had the committee and the nation believe that she was a psychologist. She called herself a “research psychologist.” Granted, she received a doctorate in the field and is a “Doctor of Psychology,” but she was never certified, never completed her residency. She stayed in academia and was functioning as a college professor of psychology, but she was never actually a psychologist.

Are we splitting hairs on this one? Possibly. It’s such a small thing that it would normally be inconsequential – except that in this situation, especially when added to everything else above, it shows a pattern of lies and deception.

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