Coronavirus Stimulus Bill

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The Coronavirus Stimulus Bill is on it’s way to the President’s desk for signature. While at least partially necessary, a $2 TRILLION DOLLAR spending bill is excessive. There isn’t much information out about the bill, but here’s our take on the few bits that have been made public, as well as a generous serving of some fantastic memes on government waste.

Just to be clear, this isn’t million with an M or billion with a B. This is trillion with a T. Or a thousand billion. Times two.

This is $2,000,000,000,000.00 dollars. A two followed by twelve zeroes.

Museum Alliance – $4 Billion

Museums around the country have pushed their local Congressmen and Senators for money and succeeded in getting $4 billion dollars in emergency funding.

$4 billion dollars is a lot of money. Are we painting a surgical mask on the Mona Lisa? Did we repaint The Last Supper to have some social distancing between them?

All jokes aside, the museums are closed. If any money is given out, it should just be to pay their mortgage or rent, and to help pay their staff, and surely this doesn’t cost $4 billion unless we’re we paying for their mortgages for the next twenty years. The simple fact is that these organizations, while important to the nation, should be locally or privately funded. Why someone from Texas’ tax dollars are taken by Washington and given to a museum in Des Moines, for example, is inefficient, ineffective, and likely full of corruption along the way.

John F Kennedy Center Performing Arts Center – $25 Million

John F Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts received $25 million for operations and maintenance. The bill reads that it’s to “prevent, prepare for, and respond to coronavirus domestically or internationally, including funding for deep cleaning and information technology to improve TW capability and operations and maintenance requirements related to coronavirus.”

We’re not anti-art and fully support it, however, we need to control our spending. A fair question to the clowns in Washington is why, of all the money, did we give the Kennedy a single dime. Shouldn’t they be closed? Are they still performing Swan Lake but with the dancers wearing N95 masks and maintaining social distancing?

Also, what the heck do they mean by the Kennedy Center responding internationally to the coronavirus? Are they flying the stage to Kenya or Cambodia and staging interpretive dance performances about sneezing into your elbow? This is absolutely ridiculous and a complete waste of money.

Someone tell Nancy Pelosi and Mitch McConnell that we’ll bleach wipe the entire Kennedy Center for a bargain price of $10 million dollars. I’m 100% serious: Pay thefunnyconservative.com $10 million dollars and all of us will go to Washington and coat the entire building in hand sanitizer and bleach.

Extension of Sexual Risk Avoidance Education Program – $48.2 M

Did we just spend $50 million dollars on an organization that is telling people to not engage in risky sexual behaviors during the coronavirus pandemic?

Yup. We absolutely did.

$1,200 for Each Adult, Plus $500 Per Child

It’s a hard pill to swallow, and not typically in line with the conservative philosophy, but this is the only part of the bill that’s we agree with, albeit begrudgingly.

But, if we’re going to implement a universal paycheck for all Americans, why is it just $1,200? Is Washington so disconnected from reality that they think $3,200 is all a family of four needs in order to make ends meet after weeks or even months of quarantine and isolation?

In what universe does it make sense that the Kennedy Center gets $25M for coronavirus response – while it’s closed! – but ordinary Americans get $3,200 per family?

Where the Money Should’ve Gone

If Washington wasn’t so beholden to special interests, the entire $2T would’ve been divided among the American people, hospitals, food banks and food delivery services.

The US military is keeping quiet about the number of infected and deaths among their ranks for national security purposes. They’re also mainly manned by men and women in their 20s and 30s so they might actually be safe. However, anecdotal reports are that their doctors, nurses, Corpsmen, and medics are working overtime to screen and treat their members. We also need to remember that a military member that’s quarantined for 14 days is one less team member manning a watch or standing duty. An increase in the military budget to allow for the equipment and supplies necessary would be a great idea to let them meet this unseen enemy on better footing. And, for God’s sake, can we finally start paying them what they deserve?

The museum topic is not as simple. While we do appreciate our museums and theaters, the majority of them should not receive a dime of additional federal funding. If they receive government funding already, it should be enough to sustain them because operating costs are lower when the doors are closed – less electricity, water, house keeping costs, etc. Museums that need more money than this could be sustained by private donations, and if we wanted to encourage more private donations we could incentive it at the national level by making donations tax deductible. For the rare case of a museum not being able to be supported through charitable donations we would have to debate whether a museum with such little support is even worth keeping.

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